Three Years of Quotes

It's been quite a while since I've posted a blog post. But here I am again with a new post, with a bit of a different feel.

After three years of doing the 'Quote of the Day', I decided that 2015 was the year to finally end this initiative.

I'm somebody who's very big on quotes (I think some of my university classmates can attest to that; I used to find quotes for just about everything - essays; 60+ journals for a course; even some 'goodbye' letters). Different quotes have inspired me in different ways. Due to this, I wanted to share this inspiration with others.

In 2012, I started doing the 'Quote of the Day'. My plan was to keep this going for a one-year period. I made minor adjustments to my vision along the way as well. One example: rather than choosing a quote from a well-known person every time, I started choosing quotes from lesser-known people as well if the quote was inspiring or meaningful to me. I also tried to do a 'two-for-one' day once a month (at least), and included religious quotes as well on certain days. And I also never (purposely) posted the same quote (if I accidentally quotes a previous one, I used to post another one to make up for the duplicate).

While my goal was to end it after 2012, I ended up carrying it over in 2013 for a couple of different reasons. I wanted to take it a step further in 2013 and do something a little bit extra, but unfortunately I was unable to take that extra step. I still aimed to post a quote each day (although for a period in July, I was unable to due to a horrible case of the stomach flu that landed me in the ER - but I still made those days up). And the plan again was to end it after 2013. But again, I carried it on for another year in 2014 for the same reasons I carried it on in 2013.

In 2014, I continued it to the best of my abilities. I didn't try to do anything extra. I was able to slightly expand it by posting certain quotes (religious quotes) on Instagram. But beyond that, nothing else was really different. The biggest change for me was that I didn't feel as passionate or committed to posting as I once did. In 2012 & 2013, I used to post the quotes in the morning time whenever I could. However in 2014, I'd post them very late at times (especially towards the latter half of the year).

There are a few different reasons why I felt this was the time to end this initiative from my part (and hopefully somebody else can maybe take over). One main reason is because of what I stated before: a lack of passion & commitment. I don't like to do anything half-heartedly; and I know I would be doing this half-heartedly if I carried it on for another year.
A second main reason is because I want to focus on some other initiatives going forward. This initiative sometimes was much more time-consuming than I had hoped or wanted it to be (especially when trying to find a good quote that I hadn't used previously).
And a third main reason was because the timing just seems right. When I started, it was just a few days before Arbaeen. And it's now completed on Eid al-Zahra. This wasn't planned or anything, and the realization came afterwards.

I know some people will be disappointed or sad that I've ended it as they've found it inspirational (based on the feedback I've seen) - to those folks, I really do apologize. The fact that people actually took time to read and felt inspired really means a lot - that was my overall goal of this. And I really thank you as well for your dedication for actually reading the quotes.

I may end up starting it again at some point. And I'll still post some quotes here and there if I see something that is really inspiring. I'll also continue with the religious quotes as well.

And just so that there isn't so much of a void, I'm going to provide two links to where I used to get my quotes from:
ThinkExist: http://www.thinkexist.com/
BrainyQuote: http://www.brainyquote.com/
Both sites are fantastic; I used to go by the birthday to find a quote (for the most part). ThinkExist also has people who passed away on certain days (although sometimes they are off on the birthday and 'death day' of someone).

To end this blog post, I can only do it with the way I know best - a quote.

"The hearts become tired as the bodies become tired. You should therefore search for beautiful sayings for them (to enjoy by way of refreshment)."
 - Imam Ali (AS) (Nahjul Balagha, no.197)

Men's Spiritual Retreat 2013

"Ya Nooru Ya Quddus; Ya Awwalal Awwaleen; Wa Ya Akhiral Akhireen."
"O You who is the light! O You who is the most holy! O You who existed before the foremost! O You who shall exist after the last!"
(Dua Kumayl)

About four weeks ago, I attended the men's spiritual retreat for men 25 and over held by the Jaffari Tabligh Board (JTB), the Academy for Learning Islam (ALI), and the Masumeen Tabligh Board (MTB). At first, I was really excited about going as it would give me the opportunity to be around a few scholars. I would also get to be out in nature again, as I really missed the youth leadership retreats I had also gone to. I managed to get the day off work so that I would be able to attend. After registering, though, I starting having my doubts. Was I going to be the youngest guy there? Would I be out of place? Was it really a good idea? Thankfully those doubts started to be removed in the first little while when I reached the resort.

On the 13th (the first day of the retreat), the day went by fairly quickly. I had to do some last minute packing and then head of for Jumaah salaat. The weather also wasn't the best; cloudy and chilly. That also didn't really help the doubts I was having. Shortly after Jumaah salaat, I met with the folks I was going to carpool with and we headed off to the retreat. Thankfully I didn't have to drive either and I could enjoy the car ride.

When we got to the retreat, we got the keys to our rooms. There was a beautiful view of the lake from the room, which started to relieve the anxiety. Shortly after that, I met my brother-in-law and a few other people who signed up for the retreat. The first doubt was shortly removed as I met a good brother who was 2 years younger than me. Thereafter, I started seeing a few people I knew (some of the scholars, are people who attended Masumeen, etc.). After seeing people I knew and the different ranges in age, my second doubt also was removed.

The retreat itself was nice and laid back. It wasn't too heavily packed, and most things were optional. Still when one is in such an environment, one should try to take advantage as much as possible and get the most out of it all. Thus, I didn't sleep too much (and thankfully didn't suffer!).

All the scholars gave their own lectures and faciliated discussion circles in the two nights we stayed there. We also got religious knowledge - e.g. learning more about Salatul Layl and the nawafil of Maghrib - throughout various parts of the retreat (e.g. one-on-one discussions, during 'food' time, etc.). We also got time for outdoor activities as well - water sports, volleyball, indoor swimming, basketball, etc. (pick & choose what you'd want to do).

But what about that last doubt? Was the retreat worth it? I won't answer that yet; I'll share my reasonings for going and some experiences before I answer it.

One reason I wanted to go was so that I could network with people. This was an excellent opportunity where I could network with different folks. This was easily accomplished as there were folks with different career backgrounds (e.g. lawyer; doctors; business folks, etc.) and volunteer backgrounds (e.g. scouts; Big Brother, etc.). I got to talk some brothers about my job, which I believe will help them with their children when they enter college/university. I also got to meet some 'old' faces (i.e. folks I haven't seen in many years because of the move from Richmond Hill to Brampton 9 years ago).

Another reason I wanted to go (which ties a bit in with the reason above) was because I am currently moving from the 'youth' stage to the 'adult' stage and wanted a nice, solid 'bridge' built. Having just finished a term on the Masumeen Youth Committee (which I wrote a blog post on earlier), I wanted to have a nice transition. I was able to share my views as a youth and also got to understand some perspectives from the adults. So this was also accomplished.

I also wanted to get my name out there (which ties in the first two reasons). This was done for a personal reason and something I'm hoping I can accomplish. I don't want to get into any details about this. But I was able to get my name out there. God-willing, what I'm hoping to accomplish will get accomplished (and soon as well I hope).

A fourth reason was to be in the company of scholars and 'picks their minds' as much as I could. I had some really good conversations with them as well and got some help for a couple of things I'm working on. It was interesting to see and a major help to get different perspectives. Along with that, its always good to be in the company of scholars and knowledgeable people. It reminded me of this hadith:
"Association with a learned one in the slums, is by far better than sitting with an ignorant person on sumptuous and luxurious carpets."
 - Imam Musa al-Kadhim (AS) (Al-Kafi; v.1 p.48)
Along with that, the scholars were very welcoming to converse and answer/help various questions. When you feel such a welcome, you want to ask as many questions as you can because you don't know if you'll have such an opportunity again. I came across this hadith as well which I found when I was looking for something else, but really describes how to approach a scholar with respect and proper akhlaq (manners):
"When confronting a sage, try to be more inquisitive than talkative, and learn how to listen well as much as you learn how to speak well, and do not interrupt the statement of anyone."
 - Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (AS) (Bihar al-Anwar; v.1; p.222)
Side note: a sage is defined as "a profoundly wise person".

And the final reason that I wanted to go was because I wanted to get away from a lot of things; I needed a break from many things that have been happening and just have a chance to really reflect. I feel like I've been in a rough patch for quite some time - being sick for a few weeks in a row; other personal issues; etc.
On the first level, I got to be away from work and other responsibilities; indeed it was quite relaxing on that part (although the work kind of piled up after...but oh well).
On a second level, I got to do some outdoor activities. I enjoyed a wonderful hike; I got to play some basketball (and re-discovered my shot!); I got to enjoy 'Khoja' volleyball. The only downside was me hurting my knee (which happened in a weird way - but maybe there was some benefit in it).
On the third level, I got to be out in nature. Its really hard to describe what one feels when you can see the night light up by a bunch of stars, watching the sunrise and seeing it shining so brightly, seeing the fog on the lake, or just seeing what looks like a never-ending body of water. It helped me to reflect on a few different things when I just sat on the dock in front of the lake without any noise. I took that opportunity a few times, especially on the last day due to my knee issue (which may have been the benefit). I got to clear my head as well and look at the beautiful bounties of the Almighty. And that's where I also got to understand those words from Dua Kumayl that I mentioned above. The "city life" gets busy and we don't get to enjoy a lot of those natural blessings, thus causing a darkness in our lives; going to such a place opens up one's mind and sheds light into the darkness that come(s) up in life. This natural beauty was there as well before, and will remain there after one's journey is over - in a way showing (through His creations) that Almighty was there before everything, and will remain after everything.

So to answer the question, yes it was worth it. Completely worth it. And if the opportunity is available again next year, I'd honestly love to go again. The bigger challenge also comes now because what was learned at the retreat now has to be applied in daily, busy life. But its a challenge I'm looking forward to. I've started to get myself back on track. I've had enough setbacks, and its time I get the ball rolling again to make sure I'm making progress instead of regressing or staying stagnant.

One last picture to end the blog, which has a symbolic meaning as well. Its of the sun rising; you can apply your own symbolic meaning to it.

The End of the Beginning

Two weeks ago, I had a bittersweet moment. My term on the Masumeen Youth Committee, or MYC for short, (finally) came to an end after two years. I say it was a bittersweet moment because it was a happy yet a sad moment for me.

A little background on who/what the MYC is. Its the committee at the Islamic centre I attend regularly; its general purpose is to cater to the youth of the community. There is more detail, but this is a very quick summary of it all.

It was a sad moment for me for many reasons. First and foremost, I was in a position (Public Relations) that I enjoyed and had roles/responsibilities that I loved. It gave me a new learning experience and also allowed me to use the skills I'd picked up from college & university in an important role.
Secondly, it allowed me to give back to the community. I know; this sounds very cliché. But I felt there was a big need to contribute back to a community which has given me a lot: a starting point for religious education; multiple opportunities for reciting/presenting during programs; and a place where I could socialize with people from the community. Its always important to give back; life is like that with a lot of relationships where its give and take, and it shouldn't be any different with our religious communities. Unfortunately, the importance of  religious community & its significance is neglected & not appreciated as much as it should be because the focus is on the useless gains of this world.
The third (and most important) reason ties into the second one, and covers a few different bases. It was the reason I brought myself back into the community. For about seven years,  I had made myself step away from the community starting in 2004 (during my three years in college; two years in university; and first two years at work). This was due to a few reasons, which I won't get into (for now at least). This was a mistake on my part, and I regret it. At the get go, I didn't feel the effects too much. However, sometimes we tend to realize things a bit late. I realized how much of my youth I wasted during those seven years in regards to being involved in the community and learning about religion. It took two life changing events for that to happen - both back-to-back. There was a sense of loneliness I felt as I had very few friends I had and I would rarely go out. I felt that there was a huge gap in my relationship with the Almighty (SWT). I thought about marriage; who would marry me if I'm not even known of? And lastly, I thought of death; if I were to die and nobody knew me, would people come to my Salaatul Janaaza and would there be enough people to even carry my casket out of the mosque? So these factors all led me to come back to the community. To give back, I wanted to help the youths of the community out. Having been through certain issues and realizing the stance of why youths didn't want to be involved, I felt it was best to join a youth committee. After some talks, applications, and time, I joined the MYC. And with joining the MYC, it gave me more of a reason to stay involved. I built new networks; I developed new relationships; and I made new friends. I worked with an incredible team that was great to work with and be a part of; as a team, we also accomplished many things with the help from the Most Merciful (SWT). And most importantly, I feel like I have made the connection that I needed with Him (SWT); one of my goals in life will be to try and continuously get closer to Him (SWT). It was a late realization; but as the old saying goes, better late than never.

So these reasons explain the 'bitter' moment. The next part will explain the 'sweet' moment.

It was also a happy moment for a few reasons as well. Firstly (from a selfish standpoint), its less stress! This role and responsibility also came with stress at times. All important roles & responsibilities have this thorn. One thing I want to mention: there wasn't a TON of stress. I'd say maybe about 10% of the at the very, very most was pretty stressful. Beyond that, it was a lot of fun and a great learning experience. However, I think over the past couple of months a lot of the stress from this and many other things caught up to me due to me getting sick quite often (touched on that in my last blog post). I can spend some time now recovering completely. There's also other areas I can now give more focus to (personal life; career; education; etc.)
Secondly, a new team is now in place and its great to see some fresh faces on one of the hardest working youth teams. There's a lot of apathy from the youth; I used to be one of those youth, but realized the mistake I made (as I mentioned earlier). The mistake reminds me of this hadith:
"There are two things whose worth is only known to one who has lost them: youth and health."
 - Imam Ali (AS) (Ghurar al-Hikam; no. 5764)
With these fresh faces, hopefully we'll see more youths make their way back to the community on a regular basis and not just for certain types of events or certain times of the year. Along with that, these fresh faces can continue building the MYC and taking it to new heights. It'll be great to see and support them from an 'outsider' view.
The third (and final) reason is that it will now allow me to move on to other initiatives while still being involved in the community. For one, I'll now be moving on to a couple of roles on Jaffari News that I'm looking really forward to. I'm hoping to start reading some books I got a few months ago to increase whatever limited knowledge I have currently. I'm also hoping to getting back into poetry some more, and maybe make an attempt at some spoken word poetry. People who've know me since my high school days know I used to write lyrics; then I stopped and went onto poetry. That also stopped a while ago for quite a while. Only recently did I start getting back into it; and I hope to make a bigger splash with that!

So that sums up the end of the beginning. An end came to my term on the youth committee; but it was the beginning of my involvement in the community and giving back, God-willing. I still have a few good years of my youth left, God-willing. Its important to utilize this age in the right manner. As the following hadith says:
"Verily the heart of a  youngster is like an empty plot of land - it accepts whatever is planted therein."
 - Imam Ali (AS) (Tuhaf al-'Uqual; no. 70)
For all the youths; you still have a gift and an opportunity. Take it from somebody who wishes they could go back and change those wasted seven years. Use this gift and opportunity while you still have it to give back to the community, help it grow, and essentially prepare for the arrival of the Awaited (AJTF); but most importantly, use this gift and opportunity to get closer to the Almighty (SWT).
For myself, I can't change the past but I can learn from it. So less dwelling on what's out of my control and more focus on what potentially is in my control. I'm looking really forward to all the opportunities that are potentially out there. And God-willing, I'll be able to succeed on these future endeavours, prepare myself for the Awaited (AJTF), and (most importantly) continuously get closer to the Almighty (SWT).

A Different Shahru Ramadhan & Blessed Eid

"If the servant was to the worth of Ramadhan, he would wish that Ramadhan lasted the whole year."
 - Prophet Muhammad (SAW) (Bihar al-Anwar; p. 346; no. 12)

This Shahru Ramadhan undoubtedly was the most different Shahru Ramadhan I've ever had. I was looking forward to the fasts and the many opportunities this month was going to present. However, some things just weren't meant to be.

To sum it up very quickly, I had gotten sick quite a few times over the month; this caused me to miss 19 fasts in the blessed month. I missed the first 10 while recovering from a horrible case of the stomach flu causing me to get dehydrated (which is a story for a different day); so I needed to get healthy first. Then I caught a bit of a cold after a few days of fasting; I missed 3 fasts due to this to be able to take medicine and have the cold go. After that, my body seemed to have not healed completely as I got extremely lightheaded and my energy level dipped; I missed 6 fasts to recover from that properly. And throughout the month to recover, I had to play it safe from a health perspective to recover properly. So I wasn't able to do too many additional prayers or duas. However whatever was in my ability, I did do. I read and shared a hadith each night. I listened/read and shared a Shahru Ramadhan dua each day (which gave me an interesting idea for next year if I have the chance, God willing). I listened to as many lectures as possible; I did aamals of Laylatul Qadr (and alhamdulillah, also got a chance to lead a tasbih on of the nights). I got to jointly sponsor an iftaar (breaking of the fast) with other youths in the community. I got to give whatever little charity I was able to give. I got to recite Surah Yaseen (the 36th chapter from the Holy Quran) and give the adhan (the call to prayer). And my favourite part was co-facilitating a discussion on SMART Goals for the youths of the community while celebrating my birthday during the blessed month (July 13th).


I always pray that I don't get sick during Shahru Ramadhan so I can complete the fasts. And so, this had me baffled for a while as to why I got sick so much during this blessed month. Was it a form of punishment? Possibly. But I remembered that this is the month of mercy and that I was one of the guests of the Almighty in this grand banquet. And I also remembered the blessings of such a trial, which is summed in these two hadiths:
"The wrongdoings of a sick person shed away from him like the shedding of leaves from a tree."

 - Prophet Muhammad (SAW) (al-Targhib wa al-Tarhib; v. 4; p.293; no. 56)

and

“When a believer becomes sick, Allah reveals unto the angel on his left [shoulder], ‘Do not write a sin for my servant as long as he is in My confinement and My grasp, and He reveals unto the angel on his right [shoulder], 'Write for My servant what you were writing for him in merits when he was healthy.”

 - Imam Musa al-Kadhim (AS) (Al-Kafi; v. 3; p. 114; no. 7)

 So (God-willing) either my sins were shed from my body and forgiven (which would make sense since this was the month of forgiveness); or whatever potential sins I were to commit weren't written while whatever acts I had the intention of doing were still written and I would get the reward (which would also make sense sense since this was the month of mercy as well). Hopefully, both of those happened. This is all just a possibility though; only the Almighty knows if this is true (Allahu Aalam).

But the biggest potential blessing I can see out of this is that my Shahru Ramadhan will continue after the blessed month has ended as I'll have to make up about two-thirds of the fasts I would have normally just done in the month. So (God-willing) not only would I have gotten rewards for having an intention, but the opportunity for the rewards and blessings can carry on after the month as well. And this will hopefully help me towards cutting out certain habits and building other good ones. The challenge will be greater with Shaitan back on the prowl and also being 'on my own', but it will make it that much more worth it.
Now while I do see the silver lining, I still pray that next year I don't get sick during the blessed month if I'm given the opportunity; and instead, I can continue the habits after the month if I have the chance (God-willing).

The one thing I always miss from Shahru Ramadhan is the unity: being able to pray together with brothers from the community; eating dinner with them; conversing & socializing with them; and building bonds with them. But thankfully this aspect from Shahru Ramadhan continued after the month on Eid Day in two ways  and God-willing will continue.

The first way is self-explanatory: Eid Day means going for Eid prayers; the centre being packed with everybody praying & standing side-by-side in unity; listening to the beautiful lecture from the Imam (Sheikh Jaffer H. Jaffer); and embracing all the brothers with wishes. After that, its a time for families to get together. All my sisters, brother-in-laws, and nieces/nephew were all over so everything was almost complete. Right now there just remains one missing piece, and (God-willing) next year that piece will complete the picture).

The second way was the fact that it was the day of Jumaah (Friday): This continued the unity factor with Jumaah Salaat (Friday Prayer) as it gave another opportunity to pray side-by-side in unison with brothers from the community; and it also gave another trip to the centre where another couple of sermons were heard from Sheikh Jaffer.

But the biggest thing for me ties into both those points, which meant the most for me. I got to go to Jumaah Salaat with all 3 of my brother-in-laws for the very first time. I can't express how much that meant to me because it meant a lot of different things on different levels. But undoubtedly, it was truly a blessing from the Almighty that He showered on me.

So that's how differently Shahru Ramadhan went for me & closed out; being given the opportunity in a different way than usual to continue Shahru Ramadhan after the month and having it start off right with a blessed Eid Day. And InshaAllah (God-willing) it continues for the remainder of the year.

Shahru Ramadhan: Benefits of Hunger

The Almighty (SWT) said: "O Ahmad (SAW)!  Were you only to taste the sweetness of hunger, silence, solitude, and were you to taste their legacy!"

The Prophet (SAW) said: "Lord! What is the legacy of hunger?” 

The Almighty (SWT) said: "It is wisdom, the safeguarding of the heart, the nearness to Me, continued grief, the carrying of a light burden compared to others, the saying of the truth without being concerned whether one lives in ease or in hardship.
- From the Hadith Qudsi of Me'raj

The "Hunger Games" are about to begin again soon as we rapidly approach Shahru Ramadhan; its a month that embodies our religion as it shows our total dedication (if we understand it and our intention is for it) to the Almighty (SWT).

At MIC, Sheikh Jaffer H. Jaffer has organized three weeks of classes to prepare for Shahru Ramadhan. We go over why we fast (with some of the apparent reasons); the ahkam (laws/rules) of fasting; and how to improve our spirituality. I bring this up because one of the benefits he presented was really thought-provoking and gave me the idea behind this post. So if anybody picks up any benefit from this post, the credit goes to him as well; and any shortcomings would be of my own.
On a side-note, we tend to under-appreciate some of our scholars (which I'll have a blog post as well about at some point). And on another side note, check out those classes IslamiCentre as they're really helpful.

We know that fasting has been ordered to us in the Holy Qur'an:
"O you who have believed! Decreed upon you is fasting as it was upon those before you, so that you become God-conscious." (Surah al-Baqarah; 2:183)
And we also know that no other nation has had the type of fasting & the devotion it requires that we have.

Another reason is based on part of the Hadith Qudsi of Me'raj (the Night of Ascension) that I posted above where the Almighty (SAW) speaks to Rasoolullah (SAW) and mentions the benefits of hunger. The full Hadith Qudsi of Me'raj can be found here: http://www.al-islam.org/ascension/1.htm
To quickly go back to the class and when this was brought up; the class itself provided reasons on why they thought each one of those benefits could be accomplished through hunger & fasting. My post will be based on my own thoughts, experiences, & ideas.

Wisdom
Staying hungry gives the opportunity to really reflect on ourselves. We have the chance to do a SWOT Analysis on own self (strengths; weaknesses; opportunities; threats) on a lot of different aspects and try to find ways we can get closer to the Almighty (SWT). If we truly have a sincere, genuine intention on this, then the Almighty (SWT) might find us worthy of bring granted hikmah (wisdom). As it says in the Holy Qur'an:
"He grants wisdom to whom He pleases; and whoever is granted wisdom, he indeed is given a great good and none but men of understanding of mind."
(Surah al-Baqarah; 2:269)
From my own personal experience, I know I get a lot of personal reflection done when I stay hungry. During my college/university time, it also helped me to think and understand when I was studying for exams on what I was studying. I used to eat nothing or very minimal prior to any exam (water was the main thing I needed). I don't have much more to say on hikmah; hopefully if I'm blessed with some hikmah, I could expand on this.

Safeguarding the Heart
This could be viewed from a few different angles. From a physical standpoint, it prevents us from eating haraam food or other foods that aren't so healthy (especially all those spicy & oil-filled foods which clog up the arteries and harm the heart & body). As well, our energy level may not be as high physically so we may tend to rest; our energy would then be preserved to for acts of worship/service and not towards haraam acts. With both those points, it would then help us spiritually as well as it prevents us from the sins & vices. The heart is suppose to be a sanctuary of the Almighty (SWT) and it is the best way that we can close to Him. If it isn't pure, how can one seek closeness to the One (SWT)? Remember as well that He looks at what is in our hearts:
"Allah Almighty does not look at your appearances, nor at your possessions, rather He looks at your hearts and actions."
- Prophet Muhammad (SAW) (Amali al-Tusi; p.536; no.1162)

Nearness to Allah (SWT)
One element of this goes back to safeguarding the heart as the heart is the best way we can get close to the Almighty (SWT). Staying hungry also tests our patience; patience is a virtue that will bring us closer to the Almighty (SWT), especially when we remember that we are fasting solely for Him, His pleasure, and to serve Him. A hadith that relates to this is attributed to Amir ul-Momineen (AS) (and who better to go over what patience is then him):
"Whoever patiently endures the path to Allah reaches Him."
- Imam Ali (AS) (Bihar al-Anwar; v.77; p.88; no.2)
Our service to Him then also builds our reliance on Him; it builds our yaqeen (certainty) in Him; and it also builds our trust in Him and His plan for us (i.e. Tawakkul - refer to my last post on Tawakkul; its incredible how things tie to each other isn't it?). And our conversations (i.e. salaat/prayers & duas) with Him also improve. The perfect verse from the Holy Qur'an that sums this up is the following:
"O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient." (Surah al-Baqarah; 2:153)

Continued Grief
As I mentioned before, we get the opportunity to properly and constantly reflect when we are hungry. If reflect, we feel sadness repeatedly. On a first step, we would reflect on the bounties and blessings we have been given by Him but yet we tend to complain and focus on what we don't have. We realize that other people are in more terrible conditions: orphaned children who don't have food; families living under the constant fear that they could be killed at any moment; a person who is struggling to find a suitable spouse and a life companion despite searching for some time; etc. This doesn't mean that we don't have any wants, etc.; but rather, we're grateful to Him on what we have been given through His mercy and have faith in His plan on whatever happens (i.e. Tawakkul).
From there, we then reflect on how much wrong we've done to our hearts & souls; how we've gone off the path of the 14 Masumeen (AS); but more importantly, how we've disobeyed the Most Merciful (SWT) and His command. When we constantly reflect this way, we stay in a state of sadness.
From this sadness then, we then seek forgiveness. And during the nights of Laylatul Qadr, we get that opportunity through two tasbihs of istighfar. And if we are truly in a continued state of grief and sadness, we'll pour our hearts out for every wrong that we've done and our eyes will flow with tears to perform the tasbihs with the most sincerest, genuine, and purest of performances. From this, we can then also get closer to Allah (SWT) and safeguard our heart.

Carrying of a Lighter Burden Compared to Others
From a physical standpoint, it allows us to complete tasks and reduces the laze. When one is full, its really hard to do anything. Personally speaking, I feel too tired to do anything when I'm completely full. I also then have a hard-time breathing a bit (and run the risk of a stomach ache; and people who know me, know previously what's happened when I get stomach aches). Praying salaat, learning something new, etc. all becomes a challenge and we don't do it with our heart totally in it, thus reducing how close we get to Him (tying back into the two points above). Physically as well, it becomes much easier to move compared to others who fill their bellies right to the very brink (and then some).
As well from a spiritual view, it goes back to reflection. When we reflect and understanding where our weaknesses, etc. are, we can then also reflect on figuring out solutions. That helps to lighten our own spiritual burdens compared to others as we've taken the opportunity to improve ourselves and then can remain one step ahead of others. And as mentioned with the point above, we can also repent whole-heartedly and reduce the burden of sins from ourselves.

Speaking of Truth Without Being Concerned Whether One Lives in Ease or in Hardship
I do not have much hikmah on this. The only two things that come to mind tie into some of the points above. When we fast though and if we are sincerely doing it with the intention to serve and please Him, then we'll also speak the truth as per His commands. Speaking the truth will keep us in the path of haqq while speaking of lies will put us on the path of batil. Through speaking the truth as well, we safeguard our hearts by avoiding a sin (of lying) and thus can get closer to Allah (SWT) as well. It may also keep us in a continued state of grief because we can then truly reflect on ourselves and not try to cover up own shortcomings/faults by telling ourselves lies. Thus we can then repent because we truthfully admit our faults/shortcomings to Him. We can also then rely on Him and trust Him with whatever happens (i.e Tawakkul). We also don't have the burden of lies on our mind, which eases our burden (as one lie can then create a snowball effect of other lies and one would then have to constantly keep up with the lies and burden their mind/energy doing that). Plus the energy level may be low to try and think of a lie; its much easier and better overall to speak the truth. Through speaking the truth, the Almighty (SWT) may then deem a person worthy of receiving hikmah. It could also be that speaking the truth will lead us to Paradise (if we act upon it) while speaking the false will lead to the Inferno. A hadith attributed again to Amir ul-Momineen (AS) that sums this up:
"Truthfulness saves you even though you fear it whereas lying ruins you even though you feel safe from it."
 - Imam Ali (AS) (Ghurar al-Hikam; no.1118-1119)

Again, these are just some of my thoughts, experiences, and ideas. I hope we take some benefit away from it and really take up this opportunity of Shahru Ramadhan to the best of our abilities as it could be our final one. I'd also look forward to seeing what other people's thoughts are on any/all of these points above. I hope I get some comments from people on this (either on this post; wherever I share the link; or even via email).

Epiphany #2: Starting Fresh and Tawakkul

Its been quite a couple of weeks, which has felt more like a couple of months. Ups and downs; motivating and demotivating at times; peaks of energy and periods of procrastination. I can hardly believe its been only two weeks because of all the events. But the focus isn't really all the events in this post.

To give it some context, I got sick about 2 weeks ago. It wasn't as bad (or as normal) as it usually was: had a slight sore throat for a couple of days; then it developed in a bit of a runny & stuffy nose; then it kind of went back to a sore throat; and then kind of just drifted away. Prior to that, I was in a really rough period. I felt like I was finally close to my destination, but that wasn't the case (or at least that how it seems). With my back against a wall, I was holding onto a the smallest thread of hope. I'm a type of person that when the odds are 99% against me, I'll go for that 1% shot if I feel its worth it. And this 1% undoubtedly was worth it because...well I won't get into that either. But like I said, I felt it was my destination; and when things started to quickly collapse, I started losing hope, patience, and strength (both emotionally and mentally). And thankfully, that's when I got sick.

As I mentioned in my "Epiphany: Loyalty and 313" post, I have epiphanies when I get sick. And this was the perfect time for an epiphany. A much needed epiphany. The epiphany that came to me was that God always gives us an opportunity. An opportunity to start fresh; to move on & learn from the past; to have a bit of a new 'beginning'. As the saying goes, "out with the old, in with the new." Often, we are presented with opportunities for a fresh start; but we dwell so much on the past we don't see the exiting opportunities of the future. It reminds me of the following quote:
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
 - Alexander Graham Bell
I also realized that I tend to have these "starting fresh" moments when I get sick. That doesn't mean that every time I get sick that these moments pop up; rather that when I'm at crossroads, they tend to pop up.

However, my thought process didn't stop there because that would be a very limited view. What's interesting is that when you sometimes really need to hear or read something to make you feel better or realize something, someway or another it gets presented to you. I mentioned before I felt hopelessness, loss of patience, and my strength diminishing. One thing I did was pray, and absolutely pray as hard as I ever had with the most sincerest, honest, and purest of intentions. And I gave myself a timeline where after a certain point, I'd leave it in God's hands. And when did that moment come where I left this situation in the Almighty's hands? Take a guess....(wait for it)....(wait for it)...right when I got sick. Funny how sometimes thing work out isn't it?

Going back to my thoughts and 'epiphany' moment; once I realized that I was given the opportunity for a fresh start, it made me realize that the Almighty will always help you find a way through any situation if you let Him in your life; and in each situation when a fresh start is presented, He is also giving you the opportunity to get closer to Him. This should always be the goal in life - to get as close to Him as we can. Continuing on though with my thought process - what happens when we closer to somebody? Its simple; we start to trust them. And that was the climax of my epiphany - to have complete reliance, trust and yaqeen (certainty) in the Almighty and what He has planned for me; i.e. Tawakkul.

And throughout the two weeks, it seems that there was so many tweets, posts, etc. with quotes or hadiths that were telling me that same message of Tawakkul (i.e. to have complete faith, trust, & reliance in the Almighty). A couple of my favourite hadiths were:
"Only Allah will grant you ease after your hardship." - Imam Ali (AS)
"Oh Allah; when I lose my hopes and plans, help me remember that your love is greater than my disappointments, and your plans for my life are better than my dreams." - Imam Ali (AS)

It needs to be kept in mind that if He brought you to it, He'll get you through it. He knows our full potential and what we're capable of handling; and He gives us this opportunity to get closer to Him. As it states in the Holy Quran, "On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear." (Surah al-Baqarah; 2:286)

Even in the Holy Quran, Tawakkul is mentioned multiple times as a reminder to practice it. As it states, "And whoever trusts in Allah, He is sufficient for him." (Surah at-Talaaq; 65:3)
There are also a few hadiths on Tawakkul as well and its importance. Here are two that really stand out to me:
"One, who prefers to be considered from amongst the virtuous, should rely solely upon God." - Prophet Muhammad (SAW)
"One, who entrusts his work to God, will be always at rest and will enjoy a happy life." - Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (AS)

With multiple reminders by God in the Holy Quran and by the multiple hadiths from the Ahlul Bayt (AS), Tawakkul needs to become a vital part of our lives. Not only does it help build our faith and give us an opportunity to get closer to the Almighty (SWT), but it also eases the burdens of stress on our lives to make our lives easier and happier. Now this doesn't mean that we just sit back & relax; we need to continue to work hard (and I speak to myself before I speak to others). Once we put in that effort through our actions & duas, then He'll help us through any & every situation that comes up in life.

I also did a little bit more reading into Tawakkul and noticed a link between it and Zuhd (i.e. asceticism). A person who practices Zuhd is known as a Zahid - which is my middle name. Its REALLY interesting how things work out, isn't it? Maybe that's why God blessed me with this epiphany as this crucial point in my life through those various posts, tweets, and reminders. Kind of like a full circle.

I'm thankful that getting sick helped me realized that; because once I did, it made me feel upbeat. It gave me a shift in perspective. It gave me a fresh start. It gave me more opportunities to get closer to Allah (SWT), which I'm hoping (and feeling) that I have. And most importantly, it gave me the epiphany that I much needed to remain patient and trust His plan for me.

As for my destination...who knows where it is. But I've left that up to the Almighty's. If that 1% chance of hope is to happen, then He'll make it happen. And if not, I trust His plan for me and that there is something better out there for me. He's already presented me with other opportunities so I know and I have complete yaqeen that I can rely on Him and His plan/will for me.

YMAA Leadership Retreat 2013 (Part 2)

Two weeks ago, I was able to re-visit one of the best experiences of my life and thus had another 'best experience' of my life. I was another opportunity to attend a leadership retreat for four days (like last year). I said it last year, and I'll say it again: what an incredible four days they were!

I was asked to play a different role this year, that of an Angel which had quite a few tasks. To sum it up though in one sentence, the role was to help in organizing the retreat itself. And like last year as well, there were a few challenges (albeit, somewhat different than last year). I also went in with two major thoughts/objectives:
1) How can I help others out as much as the retreat helped me last year?
2) How can I learn & develop my own skills this year?

The challenges started off from the get go and thankfully helped me in those two thoughts/objectives. The first two steps (and challenges) itself were to find participants and to fundraise for the retreat.
Finding potential participants wasn't too difficult; it was presenting to them the benefits & value of going. It made me heavily reflect about what I gained from the retreat and how it helped me to develop my own skills (some of the accomplishments are mentioned in my previous post). The method of talking to potential people as well really took me out of my comfort zone, which helped me develop my own skills. I'll be honest; I really don't like talking much on the phone and I tend to remain silent in person. However, I had to really break out of that prison I set on myself and thus allow myself to grow. I also got to use my normal methods to promote & recruit (i.e. Facebook), which was a lot of fun. I pushed as hard as I could on Facebook for people to fill registrations and gouge their interest. I'm not sure how many people I influenced, but I'm hoping that there was at least 1-2 participants I helped influence in coming.
The fundraising was another challenge that also really took me out of my comfort zone. I've never, ever, EVER done any sort of fundraising before. This whole process was a new learning experience for me. Thankfully, there was a lot of people who were willing to help me out once I presented to them how his retreat helped me out, what I hope to accomplish this year, and how their investment will develop the leaders of tomorrow. To all the people who helped: a major, major thank you! This retreat could not have happened without that help.

The rest of the challenges came closer towards the retreat, or at the retreat itself. One challenge that came about was one person who I had been talking to about the retreat having some unexpected obstacles popping up that could have potentially prevented them from coming. This allowed me to work on my first question/objective because I really, really, REALLY wanted that person to be able to make it. Alhamdulillah, that issue got resolved and the person was able to make it. I didn't do much (in my opinion); but I was able to connect with the right person to help get that issue resolved and with the generosity of people, the situation worked out.

Another challenge was the driving aspect. In my post last year, I mentioned how I had a huge fear of driving and that I hadn't driven lost distances myself. This year, I felt more comfortable driving. However, I tried to do something different this year; it was coordinating a trip to the retreat with another driver. We met at a location (JCC), and went from them with other driver leading the way and me following. Undoubtedly, this was another learning experience because I've never followed anybody when driving. And especially following somebody during rush hour; that itself was a challenge. Trying to keep up; trying to find out where they are (at times, they were far ahead lol). But thankfully after getting out the major traffic areas, it was a lot easier to follow and manage.

At the retreat itself, the challenges started right away. After getting to retreat and praying Salaatul Asr in Jamaat, the folks in my car and myself went to get our things from the car. And this is where another learning experience kicked. I always lock my doors when I exit the car and don't like to leave any windows open. When we got to the treat, we took out most of the stuff from the seats and thus I locked the door when we went to pray. When we came back, we only had to unload the trunk. So after we unloaded the trunk and closed it, we realized that there was still chips in the car. No biggie right? Just go and open the car? Here's where the problem and the learning experience REALLY kicks in. We couldn't find the key. We all checked our pockets, etc. but no luck. So we thought the worst: they keys were in the trunk, the doors are all locked, and I don't have a back up key. Fast forward to night time and when I go to take my pillow out of a bag, I see the key in there. I can't explain the relief I felt! And it made me learn that a) always bring a back up key; and b) always check to make sure I have the key before I close the trunk.

Another challenge was during Salaat. Alhamdulillah, I was given the opportunity to lead Salaat a few times. I also got to recite duas as well after the Salaat. The two biggest challenges for me were going over certain rules of Jamaat Salaat and also presenting briefly Salaatul Ghufayla. At MIC, Sh. Jaffer has been going over various rules of Jamaat Salaat which have been extremely beneficial. I thought that it would be an excellent idea to take the initiative he started and attempt it at the retreat; I credit the idea to him (and he also gave me his opinion on which rules to mention as well despite only a short time to review them when I asked him). I got some great feedback, alhamdulillah, and I know what I can improve on as well; and inshaAllah, I hope everybody took benefits out of it. I also brought handouts on how to pray Salaatul Ghufayla. Its helped me out in many ways, and I wanted to share its benefit with others. This is something else I learned from Sh. Jaffer in a one-on-one conversation and he also provided me with a handout. I hope everybody remembers to pray it regularly because its a Salaat where you ask for hajaat during the Qunoot in the Salaat. And please keep in your duas, inshaAllah. These two things helped me accomplish both the questions/objectives I had as I felt it would help others and would help me learn when presenting these types of benefits.

There was also the challenges during the activities & workshops. We had to go out of the comfort zone of our daily routine (lack of sleep; different meal times; etc.). We learned quite a few different things during the workshops (e.g. Jonah's complex; creating SMART goals and applying them on the Wheel of Life). We met new people (which was honestly really awesome...I'll explain in a bit why).
The biggest challenge for me was the object that described me. For myself, it was hard choosing something; but I decided to use the same thing as I did last year. This year, I also dug deeper within myself. I had to re-visit old memories, go through some painful timelines, and get myself in that same emotional mindset to really express myself.

The last challenges will be on-going again this year. Everybody has set their SMART goals and made their Wheels of Life. The smaller challenge is to complete and accomplish all those goals. I see this as a smaller challenge because we all dug deep inside and thought about what we really wanted to accomplish before established our SMART goals. The bigger challenge is creating a change. Why is this the bigger challenge? Similar to what I said last year; before we can expect change externally, we must make a change internally (i.e. in ourselves). I won't speak for anybody else at this point, but maybe hope to inspire/help others (as per my second question/objective). The only way change internally is by finding motivation - both internally (primarily) & externally (secondarily). As I mentioned last year as well, people who know know that I've changed and evolved over the past few years (even over the past year). Its hard not to stay stagnant; its always important to grow, and growing in a positive way is a challenge (which can help others by influence and also help me learn about my shortcomings and strengths). But I believe I can achieve this and build from last year. Externally, I have a great mentor and buddy who'll also challenge me. Internally, I have a strong feeling and firm faith in myself that I can accomplish this; and more importantly, I have complete yaqeen (certainty) in the Most Merciful (SWT) that he'll guide me through it all and help me accomplish my goals, especially the biggest one I continuously pray for.

Outside of all the challenges, it was another incredible experience. While last year we got a full moon over the body of water, this year it was a completely clear sky filled stars (during the night time). Honestly unbelievable; I was able to see the Big Dipper constellation! During the day time, it was gorgeous weather with the sun shining down, a peaceful wind, the body of water, and trees surrounding it. So incredibly peaceful (with no cell reception and no WiFi). It makes you realize how limitless the bounties of the Lord are.

I have a poem I wrote called "On the Edge of Insanity"; a person who I met mentioned how the following picture reminded them of the poem (where this tree that stands alone represents a person on the edge of insanity). The picture also represents the scenery from the retreat (and major credits/thanks for the person who took this and let me use the photo for my blog!):

The biggest lesson I learned this year is to have complete yaqeen (certainty) in the Almighty (SWT). When an intention is pure, somehow He'll help you out. Just like how I needed help throughout all these challenges and will still need help with the upcoming challenges, it can only happen with His will and help. As the saying goes: when there's a will, there's a way! So find that will, and you'll find your way! Meeting and networking with new people was great because I could similarities with other folks on things we like (e.g. poetry; speaking publicly; etc.) I also had some really wonderful conversations with people through out the camp, whether it was on the way to the camp fire or it was on the dock, and got to know some people a lot better; I hope they develop into really good friendships at the very least as all those folks are incredible and we could relate on a few different things. I was also happy I got to open up more, share some poetry, and most importantly, meet incredible folks who I hope (inshaAllah) will keep me in their duas.

I honestly hope that next year I'm able to go back in a similar role and develop myself further while helping others (Mashal - this part is for you; THANK YOU for inviting me again this year! Please remember me for next year's retreat, inshaAllah!)

One final note: I have to give another big shout out to my best friend again. Last year, I asked them to update my Facebook status for my 'Quote of the Day', which was done. This year, I found a different method to update but asked them to double-check and make sure it was updated. That's truly how a best friend should be; thanks ketchup buddy! And also a big shout out to my sister who lent me her camera since mine wasn't working. I was able to take some awesome pictures, which I'll upload soon hopefully!